Have Litter Scoop, Will Travel

Occasionally, I have the opportunity to hang out with other people's pets in their exquisite far-flung homes. This is my letter of introduction to new interested parties.

Hello,

I'm sending this note to introduce yet another facet of myself to you.

My name is Jeannene Hansen and I have house/dog/cat sat for a variety of folks throughout Marin County for the last 20 years while they were on short and extended vacations. I am a 60ish, responsible and reliable adult that takes great joy in spending time with furry family members that prefer to stay in the comfort of their own homes. 

I have many dog pals that count me as one of their favorite playmates and love the attention and long walks we share. A local groomer, specializing in house calls for elderly dogs and cats, uses me as go-to sitter for her clients that travel. I have stayed with countless special needs animals and attended to their medical, as well as emotional requirements. Their returned affection is a perk of the job and if they could, I'm somewhat certain they would ask for me by name.

The Smiths* have entrusted me with 2 generations of cats in their large home while they spend month(s) away in San Miguel d'Allende. They're able to relax and rest, assured I will look after their house along with 'entertaining' their cats and keeping them out of trouble on the property.

I have owned 3 cats who have lived out their extended blithe existence with me as their best friend and companion. I'm familiar with both kitten's and cat's trademark idiosyncrasies and delight in playing relentless fetch or string-chasing as much as serene lap-sitting and napping. Cleaning the litter box and occasional hairball 'deposits' are obviously par for the course.

I am available and able to travel to your home and would welcome the opportunity to spend some time in your city. I can provide glowing references and if you're interested in my caring services, I am also available for a phone interview or video call..

Best to you, your future "High-Class Kitty Bitch"

*anonymized name

Dream - Big Doings

Gathering for Femprov and others in a large hall. Bill Gates is complimentary as other dignitaries add their 'support' during set-up. This seems to be honoring Femprov. In some sort of retrospective. Sandee A. is calm and collected as she deals with her older husband. The hall is large and there is a suggestion that Femprov's gals should help with tweaking tablecloths, by scraping candle wax drippings from last use and other girl task duties. Most including myself comply and finesse and finish the tasks. We are also at Matthew P's house, going up and down stairs where Sandee is and outside overlooking the city above on stone stairs. The Beatles are in the vicinity and are playful as we traverse and gambol outside.

Dream • Lost keys

I am trying to make an 8 o'clock curtain at Berkeley Rep for an already paid for ticket. It is almost that time and I think I can make it if I borrow the Wakelins car. They are not close to my destination, but I enter their (different) house, am greeted by the cats and proceed to look in drawers for their car keys. I am not in a hurry, and keep rationalizing being later and later. A rather large Bluejay is also present in the house and is a curiosity. The house is white and very modern and the Wakelins are away.

Dream - Odd Fragments

Now mostly forgotten, but these are the notes I scratched upon waking. See if you can make sense at least 2 weeks later…
Mort Sahl dating papers, wife, demands of me contract
Own full version would. Buy it again billy Jaye
 Pointy face haircuts vs other shaggy do in a diner
 Hum

I can vividly remember the side long serious glances from Mort as I looked over the pre-nuptial(?) agreement. He has been burned and wants to make provisions from his heart and dignity being damaged in another pending relationship. There are things to sign and initial with a lawyer present. He is very stern and suspicious if we are to move forward.

Do I bring another version of my own making to the table? Was Billy Jaye there to vouch for me? Or help me make purchases? Why are hairstyles being discussed or reviewed in a diner setting. I can imagine me humming through this procedure as a way of self-soothing…

Dream - Earbuds

Had a complicated dream with many parts, forgotten upon waking… later in the AM had a flashback to a section where I was concerned about losing the earbud bumper, felt it in my ear and spent time trying to figure whether it was the left with the Braille marker bump or not. Thought it an odd section to remember at the time, but damn if I didn't truly IRL lose the right one by the end of the day! Premonition much?

Dream • The Grubers

John Gruber and his wife are watching a television show with me, after it is over he asks my opinion and while I fumble to find the good in what I liked about it, he starts to critique it thoroughly. I cannot argue with his points which are salient from his point of view. I am called to get up to attend to something outside in the back (wedding details or animals). As I return he and his wife are leaving quite hastily, without pleasantries, and seemingly because they do agree with me and have nothing left to say or be in my company.

Dream • Conference

I am at a conference that is held in a large space scaled up from my flat layout. I am in a front office vestibule at the end of a long corridor and have found a template for a newsletter broadside called The Art. It is about 4 pages and has a header with an electronic motherboard in the center behind the letters. I am industrious and happy putting the pieces of it into place. I visit the conference on the same expanded floor and it is familiarly like Macworld, but of a more progressive future bent. The ceilings are much higher and airier. I am more interested in putting together the newsletter, as it sparks my initiative tendency. Joshua Brody is there and is complimentary but not in charge of the final go-ahead. In exploring the conference further, I realize there are stairs that lead to the street and encounter Chris Jones and we converse about other dream forgotten events about to transpire. 

Dream • Stairs and Improv

There is a downtown destination for an improv troupe performance I am attending, perhaps with my Dad. It is near 2nd and Howard in a tall ceiling'd warehouse/(wherehouse) There is much young excitement and merriment in a pre-show hub bub. I am curious and it harkens back to my younger past in performing and location. The troupe is new and old at once in the type of pieces they have chosen to perform and are discussing amongst themselves.
Now I am with Teresa Roberts and we are at another more refined location. Barbara Scott is there and 'in charge' of the impending festivities. It seems to be a performance space for a more wizened troupe and I see a few other familiar faces. People come and go because the bathroom is on another floor. The long industrial stairs are grey and lead to a taller floor that has a parking garage attached. The spaces are somewhat infinite, unfinished yet friendly and welcoming once the layout of the maze is understood. I traverse the stairs more than once, sometimes with Teresa, sometimes guiding others.
Now I am at home at the Wakelins and am aware of their lanai that is used as a warming sun room. The north south geography of the house is apparent and the Wakelins may have just arrived home and we are reviewing their home, as well as getting an informational tour.

Dream • Suburban Family

I am house sitting for the Meadows (green building) and am finished(?) but must check in with them before they leave. I meet them at a restaurant where Kirsten  is chattering about their destination and excitement for the trip details. There are several friends in their booth listening and wishing her a Bon voyage. Her plans are determined as she has not been out of the house and away for sometime. She is also pregnant with a daughter that is a bit of a surprise but welcomed, even though almost 10 years after her last. Scott is paying the check and getting the car/minivan for their departure. I owe her 12 dollars in repayment of some dream forgotten thing. I lay a ten dollar bill down, and before I can fish out the other 2 dollars she has gathered up her boys and the family is in the van speedily backing down a long driveway that borders the restaurant to zoom across the street to their house in view from the restaurant. The boys are happily shouting and singing out the windows. The house is newly automated and the front lights up as they approach and slides apart to reveal the welcoming warm interior along with some Rube Goldberg enhancements like a clothesline that swishes to dry the clothes. As the Meadows van reaches the end of the driveway, the house quiets down and darkens. I follow to deliver a message of some importance. Inside, there is a blonde doofus guy in attendance in their kitchen. The phone message requires  a pencil and he grabs a carpenter's flat pencil found on the descent down the stairs. The family is already downstairs in their bedroom behind closed glass doors. They may be arguing, because even the doofus guy knocking on the door goes unheeded. He takes another tact and produces a 'looping' machine box, heavy and black. I am right behind to witness his attempt.

Dream • Ihnatko, Gay Haight T-shirts

Andy Ihnatko has moved in to my place and in my absence has shuffled some things around to make room. In the process he has broken my wooden TicTacToe board into 3 pieces. I am not concerned, but set about gluing it back together. There is much slathering of Elmer's and pressing the jagged pieces tight with slip mount tissue. I am having some difficulty and make several attempts. Andy is not overly apologetic and we both agree that is part and parcel for the moving in. He has many other things to attend to, business-wise and we only briefly make extended contact. 
Now I am on Haight street, rather abandoned and empty and make my way toward the park on the west side of the street. I encounter a large warehouse building  entrance that is unfamiliar. There are some makeshift signs saying. It is a gay run business or that they cater to gay clientele. I go in to explore and it is quite an enterprise, mainly a huge automated TShirt factory. The upper deck overlooking is office space with officious folk discussing business plans and next-moves of a philanthropic nature. I watch the machines and talk to a few people to clarify the proceedings. Stepping out and crossing over to the East side. I am joined by a young girl who is interested and quickly takes my hand as we walk. I immediately tell her although I look otherwise, I am straight. She does not seem to mind, or remains unconvinced. I am glad to have that in the open and feel comfortable laying down on Haight Street (in sleeping bags?) to watch passers-by. The street is now busy and one particular friend of hers stops to talk about her military experience and a new hand gun she has acquired. Quite excited to go home and assemble it and carry out some sharp-shooting or otherwise aggressive gun behavior seated in her military training.

Dream • Jobs and Jenna

I am at Steve Jobs' rather long house, it has many rooms and I am privy to the railroad car like arrangement of a back study and a lanai. He is randomly busy and stern. His 3 kids are around and while he is cognizant of them, it his wife, Jenna Elfman who is the real energy and force in the household. She is holding court and commandeering an outing. There are many dream forgotten details in this fascinating observer mode dream.
Now it switches to my home turf and I am frantically coordinating catching a Google bus at 24th and Valencia. I can see it coming and am trying to gauge the time I have to make it to the second stop on 24th if I  miss the Muddy Waters cafe stop. I end up chasing it down 24th Street in a futile attempt to get on. Again, many dream-forgotten details in this little escapade.

Dream • Kristen & Leo Fans

Kristen Bell is solving a puzzle/industrial crime in a high rise. part Veronica Mars! part House of Lies character. There are many dense dream-forgotten details to the tale. She is cool and savvy and we seem to be on the same wavelength. 
We are then in the presence of Leo Laporte, I ask for a ride back to the city from Petaluma. While it is bold, I am sure that he will say yes.
There are odd fans that expand and bloom as they are taken off the wall hanger hooks where they are stored. They are green and blue and quite beautiful and rounded in their design. I am fascinated and play with them for a time. There is conversation on a peer level with Leo and the many tech folk around. It is a stimulating and exciting environment, where a brainstorming meeting is going on..

Dream • Toy Story Date and Lots of Boys

I am on a first date or being wooed by a wealthy entrepreneur/celebrity and while there is an attraction on both our parts, I am the prize. We are at his house which is large, cavernous, old and ramshackle. It is filled with recently acquired old things of interest. A cabinet of curiosities which he is showing and proudly explaining their provenance. I am intrigued but unimpressed as he shows me his stuff. It is of more sentimental worth to him, and I find that interesting and am politely attentive. We are in his bedroom which consists of a roll top desk, large closet, bed, and other furniture of dark wood. He has an appointment that he will return to me from. I am convinced to stay and he offers his prize possession for me to read in his absence, a copy of Time magazine with a cover story about the movie Toy Story, which he had some technical or VO part in. He looks like Colin Ferrell in Carlos Allizeraqui's body with a Jimmy Fallon's young boy vibe. Very cute, probably younger, and a catch. I settle in to read the article and proceed to fall asleep for a short nap. I am awakened by assorted comics that have been hanging out downstairs in this huge house. They are familiar to me and it is like seeing old friends. However my presence in this role is somewhat of a curiosity to them. They are suspicious and jealous of the owner's date with me. They disperse and a soft-spoken Will Durst comes in to witness my presence in this odd circumstance. We talk quietly for a time, while he gets up the nerve to confess and warn me that at some point (when I die) he will finally approach me and do this— he plants a tender kiss directly on my lips and leaves. I am surprised and aroused by his planned & practiced speech. During this encounter on the bed,  I have creased and folded this mint condition Toy Story magazine cover. I furtively try to smooth it out and press it under something heavy in a futile attempt to fix it. I decide I must leave as I am rested, have confusing feelings about Will's gesture, need to get back to my life. I go to the bedroom closet to retrieve my long coat and realize the lining is covered with clinging saffron, a perk of being in this wealthy household. I try to dust off and remove the exotic orange spice by beating it against the closet's doorway. After much effort at this task, I finally exit to the larger house and encounter other's that question my extended nap. At about this time, my date returns and we have a chance to say a romantic good bye among his other installations of historic acquisitions. One of which is a 3-D printer that he has used to create a charm or key fob of dream-forgotten shape for me. It is more trinket than keepsake but a lovely gesture. We kiss but it is hollow and without chemistry, and we both know it, despite wanting it to be otherwise. We part with abit of sadness at the inevitability of this realization. I am outside and walking home with pals as I retell of my adventures.  At home, Kathy Hughes comes in and is panicked because clothes/possessions that had been stored in her car are missing. I had seen the car in the driveway, untouched moments before, but she reports there is one item of clothing on the ground and the driver side door is ajar. I ask if maybe Anne is around and emptied the car… but no, so we go to investigate and try to solve the mystery/theft.

Dream • 37 Pillows

A much more complex episodic scenario is dream forgotten upon waking. I am stacking bed pillows, possibly 37 in number and tidying up their pillowcases in a tall stack that I am distributing back onto a bunk bed or tall shelf.

Dream - Website Work

I am away from my web duties for a week and in my absence Will has changed up the Front Page of his website to include obituaries/shout outs of RIP to recently departed celebrities. The design is minimally compromised and will be dismissed when fresh stuff happens this week. I have a meeting with him to reconnect after my absence and discuss in a small bistro. There are plenty of people around and I cover my design exasperation to convince him back into the original well-thought out design. He is somewhat oblivious to the ramifications of the changes that rock my little design fiefdom. Later I visit their house and speak to Debi, where it is apparent she is the one that made the changes… and discusses the HTML strategy in unravelling  my code. She knows her DIV tags and lobbies for the changes as viable alternatives. (Which they are, I am just stubborn) can't argue with Debi's laizzai-faire approach. Again there are many people around and visiting that I don't know from my longer absence from the comedy scene. There is a sense of shyness and not wanting to intrude in this group of people I 'know' (how to navigate, handle) and relief that I don't have to use my energies and powers to navigate and handle these folk. There are many familiar feelings I recognize within myself that are triggered reflexively to 'come to the rescue' in this social situation and make right. There is also a confusion in not knowing the back stories Debi helpfully offers to include me in their back stories. Other locations are dream forgotten, but they are busy, colorful and filled with people.

Dream • Lost on the Airport Shuttle

I am traveling to NYC with Barb & Cindy for a fun girls getaway. Despite it being a short, weekendy thing, we pack suitcases with regular stuff, including phone chargers, money($300) etc. the flight is uneventful, although Cindy is separated from a chatty Barb and I and seems consumed with her phone. Figure she is texting with family. She is across the aisle as our seats are not together. Barb and I are excitedly and animatedly going over our lists of things to do, plays, museums etc. When we disembark in the airport, there is much hubbub and we must climb many stairs to get to baggage claim. One set of stairs are blue & stainless steel, very industrial, with switchbacks. We also are in our checkpoint security socks, so we must claim our shoes as well as luggage. Piles of bags & shoes to go thru… Cindy is surprised, I did not text her across the aisle during the flight, as this is now her main way of communication. She hands me her iPod-like phone to hold during the baggage claim. I can't find my cordovan wing tips and suggest I will catch up with them both, once I locate them soon. I have an old brown leather valise, but in searching for my shoes, it somehow disappears. I wander in the airport, re-climbing those stairs, looking optimistically for items that I'm realizing may have been stolen. I still have my carry-on small purse with my phone. I get into a service elevator, that takes me to the surface, but it turns out to be a special transport for an odd, homeless crew (they cajole and have an urban wisdom) that takes us not only vertically but across town miles away from the airport and a waiting Barb & Cindy. Above ground, I realize I must exit this jitney bus before another stop and end up on a quiet, street across from a handsome guy, working late-night in in street level window of his intriguing and cleverly decorated brick walled office. He is dark, and looks like a scruffy Max Weinberg. I watch from outside trying to plan my next steps, when I am approached by a similar looking guy who is a bit off. He is very sweet, may have been on that transport bus, and is trying to be helpful. We talk and he hands me a zine of his own making that explains what he does. It is filled with equations, so I surmise he is scientist, he corrects me— a theoretical physicist. Impressive, but I suspect he may be delusional. I like and trust/warm to him, as he greets, hugs and converses amiably with the Max/architect guy who is leaving to go home in the pre-dawn. I am in an increasing panic & tizzy, because I'm still separated from friends and can't seem to get my bearings from surrounding landscape/skyscrapers. The physicist (Steve Trilling-like) sez he'll help me get to my friends and we are at once in his panel/bread delivery truck. He is very methodical and suggests I call, text, or email. As I reach into my purse for my lacking-a-charge phone, I start laughing, tell him he is going to love this, and pull out Cindy's phone that I have been carrying. It holds an unsent missive to her friend in NYC  that I try to amend with my need for help, but the interface is foreign and I can't even manage to send a new text that she won't see or receive anyway without her trusty device. It is early morning and my dread and remorse upon the realization that they are also stranded, like me and I have stymied the fun beginning of our vacation in NYC.

Dream - Appliances & Cars

After much shopping, because I still have the feel of cold white enameled steel/plastic from running my hand over different models, I am now the proud owner of deluxe washer drier combo. White, gleaming, powerful and efficient, top of the line machines. It's possible I have won these magnificent appliances, because I sense extra pride in ownership. Marga is there to ooh and ah and congratulate my acquisition. Meanwhile I am having my car appraised next door in this all-purpose mall. There seems to be a checklist that a group of auto mechanics/appraisers are using and arguing over. Anthony Bourdain is at the helm and adding his colorful and spirited opinion. The car looks like a TRX or squarish Porsche, but I know inside it is my shoddily repaired Datsun. Anthony grills me on this and I realize it is not what it looks like, and the bad spackle job underneath comes to mind as if I see it like X-ray vision. I have been fooled into believing it was a red-orange sportier version and worth more $. Either to seal the proffering of cash or just have a stiff one, we order 5 depth charges at a nearby outdoor bar, they're lined up on the bar and we proceed to throw them back after toasting Jeepers (who is apparently trying to wake me in RL)

Feb 12 - I can only remember a rough hewn redwood staircase with black bolts that I use as an egress. I stay in bed forever trying to reassemble the juicy details, but cannot.

Dream • Sex Wares

What begins as a larger gathering at a university to hear recent developments in science breakthroughs, white papers and other findings of import, devolves into vendors and carnies selling sex toys to the straggling attendees. As Teresa Roberts and I amble across a large field toward our cars, we witness a young girl being persuaded to hear a pitch from the last of these gypsies in a car. Her boyfriend ropes her back in from the seductive promises to this young drunk girl.
This mostly forgotten dream seems a re-telling of the Nasa Ames research that contributed to the Real Touch Cyber Vagina product advertised on a sexNews show I watched last night.
Why not the Olympic's couples figure skating?

Dream • JLo Barrista

Larger dream where the only remembered fragment has to do with me at another coffeehouse to use their wifi. I have been at other places before this working on some larger agenda, but this stopover has Jennifer Lopez as a kindly barista who gives me the password and slips me a note "you are safe here" with my morning paper and change. There is a also a key among the handful of coins I am juggling back into my pockets. Her manner somehow suggests she is taking pity on my concerning behavior and helping me out. I inwardly question what about my outward behavior/appearance illicits this kind of helpful gesture from her. I am more than willing to accept and capitalize on her graciousness.

Dream • Wedding Dress

At my house, sitting in my rocker, I am aware that at 10:30 I am getting married. I have not chosen a wedding gown yet and it is 10:29. I am obviously running out of time and other anxious folks are appalled I have not attended to this bit of business. Knowing I had a little leeway on my wedding day, I am not as concerned but understand that time  has caught up with me. Springing into action, I rifle my small closet and find a black dress, that is at once inappropriate for the occasion, but my first choice to try on. Vetoed by those around, I reach into the closet and pull out a fire engine red flouncy number. I put it half on to model to much disapproval. I seek refuge in the larger room, and try to talk myself into calm as the escalating panic is affecting arriving guests. Aunt Arlene is there and pretty chill, but I can see her concern for me and my ineptitude in this situation. For some reason, I pull another dress over the top of the red one . This is bright yellow, also inappropriate, but now I seem to have all the colors of the German flag represented. Back into the closet, with some relief I pull out an off-white full length chemise gown, that everyone agrees will save the day. Some friends and helpers are angry and exasperated, while I am somehow resigned to the impending nuptials. The groom is dream-forgotten, but not really connected to this bit of a larger dream.